I think I was abused. When I was about 11 years old I confessed my love to a girl, who accepted me.

First, I want to acknowledge your courage in sharing this. What you went through was deeply confusing and painful, and your feelings about it are completely valid.

Abuse is not just about age—it’s about power, manipulation, and much more. The fact that you felt afraid to say no, your boundaries were ignored, and you experienced fear and paralysis in a situation you didn’t consent, all point to a deep emotional impact that should not be dismissed.

It’s important to recognize that even at a young age, people can hold control over others in harmful ways. The way she treated you, by manipulating, pressuring, violating your personal boundaries, and using emotional blackmail, all that created a toxic dynamic. That’s not okay, and the fact that others minimize it does not change your lived experience.

If you feel that what happened still affects you, you have every right to seek support and explore these feelings. Healing begins with validating your emotions, recognizing your experiences for what they were, and understanding that your discomfort and pain matter.

You are not exaggerating—you are processing something difficult. If you ever want to talk more about this, know that your feelings are real. You are not alone. I’m here to support you if you wish, or you can seek a professional with whom you feel comfortable and who aligns with your values. Best regards. :)

A key aspect of our therapeutic process is identifying and challenging negative automatic thoughts. Here, your doubt about whether you are "exaggerating" might be a thought arising from external invalidation and the difficulty of processing the coercion you experienced. The dynamic you describe—where she emotionally punished you for not giving in to her wishes and manipulated the rules of the relationship—points to a pattern of control.

In therapy, we would work on reframing these thoughts by asking questions like: "What evidence do I have that my feelings are valid?" or "How would I define respect in a relationship?" This would help you trust your own perception more and rely less on the opinions of others who did not experience what you went through.

We can also address the emotions associated with this experience, such as fear and guilt, which seem to have surfaced both in the moment (freezing up) and afterward (doubting yourself). Techniques like gradual exposure to those painful memories, but in a safe environment, could help reduce their emotional weight.

Additionally, the suicide threat she used after your rejection is an extreme form of emotional manipulation, something that, in our approach, would be analyzed as an attempt to reinforce your submission. Recognizing this can help you free yourself from the sense of responsibility you may have felt for her actions, understanding that you were not to blame for her choices.

I believe it would be beneficial for you to develop assertiveness skills to strengthen your ability to set boundaries—something that was difficult for you at the time. The goal is not necessarily to label what you experienced as "abuse" or not, but rather to validate that it had a real impact on you. Age differences do not erase the possibility of harmful dynamics; what matters is how it affected you and how you can heal now.

Working on identifying your values, strengthening your self-esteem, and learning to process these experiences would allow you to move forward without being haunted by doubt. What do you think about exploring this further?

Best regards, Ramiro

Only yes means "yes" and you clearly said "no". In orther to afford your feelings about that you can always to write a letter expressing all the disgusting situation. You can send it or just keep it just for you.

First of all, I want to say that what you're sharing is very important and brave. Talking about difficult experiences like this is not easy, and the fact that you're reflecting on it shows great strength.

Based on what you describe, you are not exaggerating. What you experienced has clear characteristics of **emotional and physical abuse**, regardless of the age of those involved. The idea that "you were young" does not invalidate the emotional or psychological impact these experiences may have. Abuse is not solely determined by age but by **power imbalances**, manipulation, and lack of consent.

### Analysis of What Happened:
1. **Control and Emotional Manipulation**:
- Your partner used tactics like getting angry when you didn’t do what she wanted, which made you feel afraid to say "no." This is a clear sign of emotional manipulation.
- Threatening suicide to force you to get back together is a severe form of emotional coercion. No one should bear that responsibility or be manipulated in such a way.

2. **Lack of Consent**:
- In the bathroom incident, even though you expressed discomfort and didn’t want to share that moment, she ignored your boundaries by entering without your consent and touching you. This constitutes a violation of your bodily autonomy.
- The fact that you felt paralyzed is a common response in situations where we feel invaded or unsafe (known as the "freeze response"). This does not mean you consented; it means you were in shock.

3. **Emotional Impact**:
- It’s clear that these experiences left a mark on you, as you’re still questioning whether what happened was valid or if you're exaggerating. This shows how abuse can affect our perception of events and our self-esteem.

### Conclusion:
You are not exaggerating or being "too sensitive." What you experienced was abusive, and it’s entirely valid to feel affected by it, even years later. Age does not justify abusive behavior or minimize its impact. Although both of you were young, this does not change the fact that your boundaries were ignored and that you were emotionally manipulated.

I would recommend considering speaking with a therapist who specializes in trauma or relationships to process these experiences and work through any lingering feelings (guilt, confusion, or insecurity) you might have. You deserve to heal and understand that your emotions are valid. No one should make you feel fear or vulnerability in a relationship, regardless of age or circumstances.

Hi! Thank you so much for hering your stry. Well, I think we´re safe to say you´re not exaggerating at all. In fact this sounds very traumatizing, since there seems to have been a lot of emotional manipulation and guilt tripping in that relationship. I completely understadn that now you are even skeptical of your feelings for being constantly invalidated for a long time. But the catch is, your feelings are so so valid, and now, your journy needs to be focused on healing, being understanding and compassionate to toyself, and also unlearning that love is a reward and can be withdrawn whenever you dont do what your partner wants. You got this!

Te recomiendo acudir a terapia y reinterpretación todo esto y darle un resignificado

I'm a forensic psychologist. From my professional point of view, what you explained is not an abusive behavior. In any case is important to learn to say no to the others when you disapprove an action.

Good morning,

In my opinionm you are not exagerating, your feelings are real. She tresspased boundaries that you had clearly set. Even if you both were very young, you felt abused by her and were paralized. The important thing now, is to see how this traumatic event is affecting your current life, and reflect if you need therapy.

You mention many important things to be solved. The first thing is about what a healthy relationship is. When you start a relationship with anyone, you both talk about what you individually expect about the other and about the relationship. You are talking about you both decided to have an opened relationship. What that means? there are many kinds of opened relationships. If you -both- decide to go with any other person, any of you can be angry about what the other does. If she gets angry if you go with another person it is probably because she wants to trie new experiencies with other persons because she likes to try, but she gets insecure when you do the same. This case the problems is hers, not yours, because you respect her opinion and acts but she doesn´t.
The other problem you coment is about limits. If you don´t want to do anything with another person, you are right if you want to say NO to her. If you don´t want to have a naked shower with her, you can say NO to her if you want. If the other person gets angry about that, she has the problem, not you, because she is not able to accept limits from other person. You are only responsable about your emotions, not about the others´. Were you abused? it depends on how traumatic was the experiences for you, how do yoy feel when you think about that? are you afraid? are you angry? are you embarrased? there are many questions you have to make yourself. Pleased to help you.

What you went through sounds deeply painful and confusing, and it makes sense that you're questioning whether it was abuse. The fact that you felt fear, pressure, and paralysis in those moments is significant—your feelings matter. Abuse isn’t only related to age; it’s about dynamics of power, coercion, and the inability to give true consent due to pressure or manipulation. You were afraid to say no, and your boundaries were disregarded, which created a situation where you didn’t feel safe to make choices freely. That is something worth acknowledging, regardless of what others say. The emotional manipulation, the double standards, and the threats of self-harm to control you are also serious. It’s understandable if you still feel the impact of this. You are not exaggerating—you are processing something that clearly affected you. If this still weighs on you, it might help to talk to someone who can hold space for your experience without dismissing it. Healing starts with recognizing that what you felt was real and that you deserve support in understanding it. You’re not alone in this.

Buenos días.
El abuso sexual es un tema muy importante para trabajar ya que puede afectar psicológica y físicamente. Es una situación muy traumática y te recomiendo que acudas a terapia con un especialista en trauma por abuso sexual infantil.
Si te puedo ayudar no dudes en contactar conmigo.
Un saludo