I can't stop overthinking a situation. The thing is that when I was about 9-11 years old (I don't r
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I can't stop overthinking a situation.
The thing is that when I was about 9-11 years old (I don't remember the exact age), I pressured a friend to kiss even though she said no. I didn't see the need to apologize to her because she was acting totally Normal after that. I mean, she used to change clothes with me, we talk today, she has a partner... But when I realized my mistake, I did it, but she didn't care (i mean, she told me that im not an abuser and i didnt did a sexual asault). I asked a trusted teacher and she agreed that it was not abuse, and my friends think the same too. They just tell me not to repeat it now that I am a teenager and have detailed knowledge of consent. But why? Why do I see myself as a rapist and others don't? Not even the "victim" (I put it in quotation marks because she doesn't care about the situation) sees it as a serious issue. But why im the only that see that like a problem?
The thing is that when I was about 9-11 years old (I don't remember the exact age), I pressured a friend to kiss even though she said no. I didn't see the need to apologize to her because she was acting totally Normal after that. I mean, she used to change clothes with me, we talk today, she has a partner... But when I realized my mistake, I did it, but she didn't care (i mean, she told me that im not an abuser and i didnt did a sexual asault). I asked a trusted teacher and she agreed that it was not abuse, and my friends think the same too. They just tell me not to repeat it now that I am a teenager and have detailed knowledge of consent. But why? Why do I see myself as a rapist and others don't? Not even the "victim" (I put it in quotation marks because she doesn't care about the situation) sees it as a serious issue. But why im the only that see that like a problem?
You can always to ask yourself "why?" indefinetly or you can try to solve the problem. Obviously its a problem just for you not for anybody else. I propouse an experimet to you. Opposite to try to forget the scene everyday write 30 minutes about it. Try to describe the scene as detailed as you can. Even more detailed every day. Observe the changes passed a time.
Hello,
It is completely normal that, as we grow up and develop a greater awareness of consent, we reflect on past actions with a new perspective. It seems that this situation is causing you a lot of guilt and that you are overthinking it.
At that age, children are still learning about boundaries and relationships, and the important thing is that now you understand the importance of consent. Additionally, from what you mentioned, the other person did not feel affected and has moved on normally.
If this thought persists and causes you significant distress, it might be helpful to talk to a mental health professional. Sometimes, our minds make us focus on past mistakes in a disproportionate way, and learning how to manage guilt in a healthy way can help you feel better.
I am here to support you if you need it.
Best regards.
It is completely normal that, as we grow up and develop a greater awareness of consent, we reflect on past actions with a new perspective. It seems that this situation is causing you a lot of guilt and that you are overthinking it.
At that age, children are still learning about boundaries and relationships, and the important thing is that now you understand the importance of consent. Additionally, from what you mentioned, the other person did not feel affected and has moved on normally.
If this thought persists and causes you significant distress, it might be helpful to talk to a mental health professional. Sometimes, our minds make us focus on past mistakes in a disproportionate way, and learning how to manage guilt in a healthy way can help you feel better.
I am here to support you if you need it.
Best regards.
Hello. It is clear that forcing to kiss, although it has always been a problem, just began to raise the social alarm in the least years. Anyway, if you were 9-11 years old back then, it would have been hard for you to realize the consequencies of doing so, even if you knew it was wrong. It is also possible that she didn't like it, but she didn't consider it a sexual assault, because these are two different things. Now, for so many men, forcing to kiss is seen as something normal, because they see it as an "achieved right". Some men think that they are the reason why women exist, and that they can do what they want with them. Of course, this is absolutely wrong. The fact that you see that like a problem tells something good about you: that you have reasons not to do that. If you need some particular help, just let me know. Thanks for your trust!
Hi!
As I see it, you were very young, and I think you didn't fully understand the concept of consent. It's a very good sign that you apologized when you realized that your actions might have harmed your friend (even though they didn't). The most important thing is that now you have that knowledge.
I think the reason you cannot let it go is that you are very harsh on yourself, a bit obsessive, or too much of a perfectionist. These are interesting goals for you to address in therapy. It would certainly help you.
Kind regards
As I see it, you were very young, and I think you didn't fully understand the concept of consent. It's a very good sign that you apologized when you realized that your actions might have harmed your friend (even though they didn't). The most important thing is that now you have that knowledge.
I think the reason you cannot let it go is that you are very harsh on yourself, a bit obsessive, or too much of a perfectionist. These are interesting goals for you to address in therapy. It would certainly help you.
Kind regards
It sounds like you’re carrying a lot of guilt and overthinking this situation, even though the person involved, as well as others you trust, have reassured you that it wasn’t abuse. This kind of overthinking is often connected to anxiety, self-judgment, or a strong moral conscience, which can make it hard to let go of past mistakes—even when others have.
A few things might be happening here:
-You’re holding yourself to a higher standard – You might have developed a strong sense of right and wrong as you got older, making you judge your past actions more harshly. It’s common to look back and feel uncomfortable about things we did as kids, especially as we become more aware of concepts like consent.
-Your brain is stuck in a loop – Overthinking can sometimes be a form of OCD-like thinking, where the mind fixates on a thought (like guilt or fear of being a bad person) and keeps replaying it. This can make it feel bigger and more serious than it actually is.
-You want to make sure you’re a good person – The fact that this still bothers you shows that you deeply care about treating people with respect. But guilt is only useful if it helps us grow—if it just makes you feel bad without a real purpose, it’s not serving you anymore.
The important thing to remember is that you were a child. Children are still learning about boundaries, and it sounds like you’ve already taken responsibility and grown from this. Your friend doesn’t see it as a problem, and neither do others, because they see you as a whole person, not just one moment from your past.
If this is consuming your thoughts, it might help to talk through your feelings with a therapist or try techniques to challenge overthinking, like writing down the thought and then asking yourself, Is this helping me? If not, try to redirect your focus.
Let me know if you want to explore this more. I can also help you in your mother tongue if that would make it easier, and I offer online sessions if you're interested.
Big Hug, Vanessa M-Hatoum
A few things might be happening here:
-You’re holding yourself to a higher standard – You might have developed a strong sense of right and wrong as you got older, making you judge your past actions more harshly. It’s common to look back and feel uncomfortable about things we did as kids, especially as we become more aware of concepts like consent.
-Your brain is stuck in a loop – Overthinking can sometimes be a form of OCD-like thinking, where the mind fixates on a thought (like guilt or fear of being a bad person) and keeps replaying it. This can make it feel bigger and more serious than it actually is.
-You want to make sure you’re a good person – The fact that this still bothers you shows that you deeply care about treating people with respect. But guilt is only useful if it helps us grow—if it just makes you feel bad without a real purpose, it’s not serving you anymore.
The important thing to remember is that you were a child. Children are still learning about boundaries, and it sounds like you’ve already taken responsibility and grown from this. Your friend doesn’t see it as a problem, and neither do others, because they see you as a whole person, not just one moment from your past.
If this is consuming your thoughts, it might help to talk through your feelings with a therapist or try techniques to challenge overthinking, like writing down the thought and then asking yourself, Is this helping me? If not, try to redirect your focus.
Let me know if you want to explore this more. I can also help you in your mother tongue if that would make it easier, and I offer online sessions if you're interested.
Big Hug, Vanessa M-Hatoum
Hey! Thanks so much for sharing with such vulnerability. What you are experiencing sounds a lot like moral OCD. Maybe you have an intense and irrational fear to "being a bad person", so you constantly try to avoid that and gather proof that it isnt true. You can definetly work on this on therapy and I personally would love to help you!
Hey :)
It's completely natural to reflect on past situations that you're not proud of—acknowledging them allows you to grow and make better choices in the future. From what you express, it seems you already recognize that pressuring someone to get what you want or mistreating others is not okay.
What might be weighing on you now is the awareness of how you would feel if you were to act in a similar way today, with a greater sense of consciousness and responsibility. Sometimes, our memories can feel more intense than they actually were.
If you haven't spoken to your friend about this recently, it might help to have an open conversation with her. Expressing your feelings and listening to her perspective could be a way to find closure and allow yourself to move forward.
If you feel the need to discuss this further just contact me and I will be here to support you. :)
It's completely natural to reflect on past situations that you're not proud of—acknowledging them allows you to grow and make better choices in the future. From what you express, it seems you already recognize that pressuring someone to get what you want or mistreating others is not okay.
What might be weighing on you now is the awareness of how you would feel if you were to act in a similar way today, with a greater sense of consciousness and responsibility. Sometimes, our memories can feel more intense than they actually were.
If you haven't spoken to your friend about this recently, it might help to have an open conversation with her. Expressing your feelings and listening to her perspective could be a way to find closure and allow yourself to move forward.
If you feel the need to discuss this further just contact me and I will be here to support you. :)
Hi! I think that it's probably from a feeling of regret that you haven't been able to deal with yet. Sometimes we use to think and rethink about something done in the past with the current experience and mentality, it's about judgement. Above all, I don't think you are being fair with yourself. Unfortunately, we can't change the things done in the past, but we can try not to do the same "mistake" again. If the "victim" says that it's ok and that you should not worry, that's the way to start dealing with it. It's your right to make mistakes, just try to learn from them and do not repeat them. Cheer up, greetings.
It's understandable that you're overthinking this situation now, especially as you learn more about consent and respect in relationships. It's positive that you reflect on past actions and recognize the importance of consent.
It seems those around you, including your friend involved, don't perceive it as a serious offense, and even reassured you. Children's understanding of social dynamics and consent is different from teenagers and adults. You were young, and importantly, you've learned from it.
Your strong reaction now might be because you are developing a deeper understanding of these issues and have a strong moral compass. It's good that you care, but try to be kind to yourself while acknowledging your growth and commitment to doing better.
It seems those around you, including your friend involved, don't perceive it as a serious offense, and even reassured you. Children's understanding of social dynamics and consent is different from teenagers and adults. You were young, and importantly, you've learned from it.
Your strong reaction now might be because you are developing a deeper understanding of these issues and have a strong moral compass. It's good that you care, but try to be kind to yourself while acknowledging your growth and commitment to doing better.
It sounds like you're dealing with intrusive guilt and overthinking, which is common when someone applies their current moral understanding to past actions, especially those from childhood. This can make something that was a childhood mistake feel like a much bigger issue than it actually was.
Why Do You See Yourself as a Bad Person When Others Don’t?
You're Holding Yourself to an Adult Standard
When you were 9-11 years old, your understanding of personal boundaries and consent was still developing.
Now that you're older and have a clearer understanding of these concepts, you’re judging your younger self as if you had the same awareness back then—which isn’t fair to yourself.
Guilt Can Distort Perception
Your brain is making you fixate on this situation, even though everyone else has moved on.
The more you think about it, the bigger and worse it feels in your mind.
Your Friend and Others Have Given You Reassurance
Your friend (the person involved) reassured you that she doesn’t see it as a serious issue.
Your trusted teacher—who has experience and knowledge—also told you it wasn’t abuse.
Your friends see it as a learning moment, not something defining.
If everyone involved has moved on, that means they recognize that this was a childhood mistake, not an act of harm.
Overthinking Comes from Fear of Being a Bad Person
It’s not uncommon for people who care deeply about being good to fixate on past actions, fearing they were harmful.
The fact that this situation bothers you shows that you have strong morals and care about others' well-being.
How to Let Go of the Overthinking
Separate Past-You from Present-You
You are not the same person you were at 9-11 years old.
The fact that you acknowledge and regret what happened means you’ve grown.
Accept the Lesson, but Let Go of the Guilt
You’ve learned about consent and respect, and you would never repeat this behavior now.
Guilt is useful only when it teaches you something—once you've learned, holding onto guilt becomes self-punishment.
Challenge Your Thoughts
If you were truly a bad person, would you feel this bad about it?
If a friend told you they did something similar as a child, would you judge them as harshly as you judge yourself?
Would an actual harmful person seek reassurance and want to make things right?
Redirect Your Focus to the Present
Instead of dwelling on the past, focus on being the best version of yourself now.
Your present and future actions define who you are, not a childhood mistake.
Final Thought
You are not a bad person. You were a child who made a mistake, learned from it, and grew into someone who deeply values respect and consent. That’s what truly matters. If the people involved have moved on, it’s okay for you to do the same.
If you ever want to work through these feelings in more depth or need support, we can do so through Doctoralia.es. You're not alone in this, and talking it through can help you find peace with your past and focus on your present growth.
Why Do You See Yourself as a Bad Person When Others Don’t?
You're Holding Yourself to an Adult Standard
When you were 9-11 years old, your understanding of personal boundaries and consent was still developing.
Now that you're older and have a clearer understanding of these concepts, you’re judging your younger self as if you had the same awareness back then—which isn’t fair to yourself.
Guilt Can Distort Perception
Your brain is making you fixate on this situation, even though everyone else has moved on.
The more you think about it, the bigger and worse it feels in your mind.
Your Friend and Others Have Given You Reassurance
Your friend (the person involved) reassured you that she doesn’t see it as a serious issue.
Your trusted teacher—who has experience and knowledge—also told you it wasn’t abuse.
Your friends see it as a learning moment, not something defining.
If everyone involved has moved on, that means they recognize that this was a childhood mistake, not an act of harm.
Overthinking Comes from Fear of Being a Bad Person
It’s not uncommon for people who care deeply about being good to fixate on past actions, fearing they were harmful.
The fact that this situation bothers you shows that you have strong morals and care about others' well-being.
How to Let Go of the Overthinking
Separate Past-You from Present-You
You are not the same person you were at 9-11 years old.
The fact that you acknowledge and regret what happened means you’ve grown.
Accept the Lesson, but Let Go of the Guilt
You’ve learned about consent and respect, and you would never repeat this behavior now.
Guilt is useful only when it teaches you something—once you've learned, holding onto guilt becomes self-punishment.
Challenge Your Thoughts
If you were truly a bad person, would you feel this bad about it?
If a friend told you they did something similar as a child, would you judge them as harshly as you judge yourself?
Would an actual harmful person seek reassurance and want to make things right?
Redirect Your Focus to the Present
Instead of dwelling on the past, focus on being the best version of yourself now.
Your present and future actions define who you are, not a childhood mistake.
Final Thought
You are not a bad person. You were a child who made a mistake, learned from it, and grew into someone who deeply values respect and consent. That’s what truly matters. If the people involved have moved on, it’s okay for you to do the same.
If you ever want to work through these feelings in more depth or need support, we can do so through Doctoralia.es. You're not alone in this, and talking it through can help you find peace with your past and focus on your present growth.
Hi. I think you are feeling guilty. We use to feel guillnes when we do something than goes against our values. Which of your values is being contradicted in this situation? How do you feel about that? What kind of thinkings do you have? Is it the first time you have any experience like that?
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